A break from church

I am taking a break from church.
I am exploring why we equate institutionalize worship with community,
How we understand pastoral care and leadership;
Dissecting my experience in charismatic and liturgical approaches to deity;
Wondering why it's okay to sit through Sunday services, mind and spirit unengaged, in order to get to the good part of church:
Sitting on the back of the pews, chatting about faith, friends, and family;
Dreaming about what a community of faith could look like for me in the future;
Questioning my own motives.
Am I just hurt? Or angry? Being stubborn? Feeling rejected? Trying to protect myself?
Am I making the right decision?
Will I ever convince myself to join a church again?
Have I completely lost my connection with the Spirit?

I think I will always have Christian community, so I am not worried about that part. I think I will likely spend my life wrestling with God. But what that will look like, I am not sure. And it's a bit of an unnerving state to stand in.